Polaroids in the Darkness

Another week has come and gone and nothing much has changed.
I'm pissed off and disappointed with myself for my lack of writing, and for not even managing
to update this lame blog.
Still no job, and still no place to really call home - as I remain camped out with my sister
and her family in the scenic and frightening wilds of Redneck City, Ontario.
Last week my general sour mood and dissatisfaction with life turned into a full blown
depression, and by the weekend I was having uncontrollable suicidal urges.
Luckily I've weathered that particular storm and am much better now.
This is in part due to there finally being some - however small- movement on the welfare front
and I the promise that I may be able to get my rotten, embarrassing teeth fixed.
I also may be able to get a place to live by the end of this month which would do wonders for
my emotional state, I'm sure.
I also learned today - through my initial meeting with a counsellor at the Canadian Mental
Health Association that there is a GLBT Resource Center here in Redneck City, and on Thursday
I'm going to check them out to see what they have to offer in terms of both volunteer
opportunities and community support.
I've been doing really well with no drugs or drinking but it has become increasingly difficult,
and this past weekend it was all I could do to not buy a bottle of bourbon and drink until I
couldn't see.
So I've just been doing what I do when I'm not fit for human consumption - watching TV shows on
the beloved (and hated) lappie. Recently it's been "Parenthood", "Rome" and "Glee".
On top of all the rest of this, I've started to despair of ever having sex again. It's really
not helping my general mood.

Tomorrow I have to go to Toronto for my first court date over this alleged "assault", and I'm
looking forward to it. Not the court so much, but the chance to get out of this town for a few
hours will be nice.
While there I plan on stopping by my dear friend Yehudah's place and maybe even getting a
little pot.
Then maybe when I get back I can pick up the story of how I got into this mess from where I
left off, which I believe was just when it was about to get really interesting.
So if you were hoping for a good read and an exciting blog update this time out, sorry to
disappoint - but check back in a couple of days and there may be something worth reading.